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July 22, 2019

Today was my 15th year longevity ceremony at work. I had actually hit my 20th year of service, the job is five years delayed in celebration… Whatever.

I took the drive into the city alone, it was just easier physically and mentally… between the drive into the city and the problematic parking. I decided it was best to do it alone. By the end of it all, I totally understood why...

"I decided,”….I wonder how much of that is true….how much of that I  decided. At the randomness of an instant decision one might think the choice is yours but is it really? Is it your own? In hindsight, by the end of the evening, what I thought I understood, I began to question. What’s random about life…is there anything random? But what I didn’t question was how  little control I have, how fate and destiny have true meaning and how malleable time and space is for those who can control it…maneuver around it.

At my ceremony, I felt a heightened presence of my family, as a psychic medium (who feels uncomfortable with labels) I refer to my Guides (who guard, protect and guide me from that unseen to the naked eye dimension), as my family. There is a strength, a bond, a love that falls short in comparison to any relationship I’ve ever experienced….I’ll go off the deep end  to say I’ve never experienced…its the whole “trust” thing. Baring my gifts, I see people and relationships very differently. A byproduct of being psychic…  able to “see” through people and directly read between the lines. Their presence was strong and unmistakable. The space around me felt quite full,  for the duration of the ceremony without a moments rest to my own thoughts, they were just there… which was odd. When I become aware of their presence, it's for something, either for guiding me through a situation or guiding someone to me for a psychic or mediumship communication. But not now, now they were just….

Eavesdropping. Eavesdropping on my thoughts, eavesdropping on my feelings… Eavesdropping in every sense of the word. That’s just the way of life for me… I’ve gotten quite use to knowing I have no privacy. They’ve told me countless times,“Privacy is an illusion Unnak” in response to my shyness or bashfulness in those private not so private moments in the bathroom or bedroom. Normal people at times get the feeling of being watched, I know I’m watched and I know I’m not normal. I’ve grown into the awareness. I’ve grown to be fine with it. After all…there’s no other choice, and what is choice anyway?  I’d be foolish to answer that….I don’t even want to ask them for the answer.

The ceremony started with the ceremonial unit which is… the equivalent to a live band. I began feeling a sense of this being a goodbye, I didn’t really understand why. It was a beautiful ceremony, beautiful music, the crowd was energetic, it was overall a joyful occasion… Yet why was I feeling the undertone of this being like…. A separation, like some kind of  a goodbye, I felt like crying. I breathed through it and fought back tears. I damn sure wasn’t going to cry in uniform, that was so not happening, and I damn sure wasn’t going to smear my white gloves with black eyeliner that would have run down my face, and I damn well knew for a fact that if my eyeliner did run down my face, none of my blue brothers would  tell me. They would have gotten a few good laughs in before someone broke. Bitches.

That was the way of the blue world… Of the blue family, they can laugh at you, and they can beat you down, but no one else can, but no matter what, they always had your back. But know that in relationships forged from this brotherhood, you definitely developed a sense of humor to which became a necessary outlet for frustration, stress and baring witness to so much trauma. They’d let you get kicked in the ass a few times and take a few selfies with you in the background getting kicked in the ass a few more times before they jumped in to save you. Nonetheless, that brotherhood is strong, and is to be respected. But I still ain’t crying.

At the end of the day, at the end of every day, the goal was to go home to your real family, their real family…. So  symbolic to this personal journey of mine… Going back home… To my real family…What is that? Who is that?

The music allured  me into my psychic realm…It's an almost trance state…somewhere in between…not fully awake and not fully asleep. I began clairvoyantly seeing images. I saw myself sitting in the rear of what felt to be a car, looking out of the back window (I’m clearly not in the driver’s seat of life). To give you an idea of these flashing images, it's similar to someone who proclaims to have had a near death experience….  Someone who’s  come back to “life” reporting having seen their life review… This is as close as it comes except it was all work related. I saw snippets of my career. It was over all wonderful, for even the parts that sucked at that time, I saw the end result and understood all the answers to the “Why’s.” I smiled. I remember thinking “It was a good run”. After those snapshots, I was brought back into the real time moment by the next  song that I had synchronistically recognized from my iPhone playlist. I clairvoyantly saw and sentiently felt the silhouette-ish image of a male, a male that has been in my psychic field in cameo, a stranger that I recognized. He’s been my elephant in the room that I simply could not talk about…ever. I would have found myself in Psych Services on the blue sofa digging my trench…deeper and deeper under psychological evaluation. Although I’m sure he’s been there as long as forever , it’s only recently that I’ve been made cognizantly aware. I couldn’t see his face…I never see his face, but his presence is unmistakable. I was clairvoyantly fed images of a tall male and a child, a female child in his arms swaying to the rhythm of the music. The kind of dance that felt like A daddy daughter dance….a daddy dancing with his little girl cupped in his arms, her feet dangled by his kneecaps. I guess I needed the image in preparation for the words that came next…..“Of course I’d be here for this, I wouldn’t miss this for the world…You are my daughter”.

That’s been something I’ve been privately (clearly not so privately now although its taken years) trying to process…I’ve needed that time. This male making cameo appearances in my “life” who feels like my father but not the man who’s name is on my birth certificate.

So now I’m in the arms of a male who says he's my father and feels like my father. If that’s not strange enough, I have this feeling of love for him I can barely understand yet put into words…. And now I’m dancing….and now we’re dancing, so cliché ish. Why do I feel that means so much more…more than a dance…more than just a dance?

That felt a bit awkward for me, to watch myself dance. I can’t dance, I never learned, I wouldn’t let anyone see me even trying to dance… and here I am, in the arms of a male who is…. A mystery…an important one.

By this time, I’m not sure if it was the music, the enchantment of this male or a combination of both, I was very much en-tranced… I was so far into that other realm that I lost touch with everything around me…oblivious. Not a care, nor concern, it’s just one of those things… One of those things that I’ve learned to trust… When the mental “switch” flips for me…That being watched thing…that being watched over no privacy thing. I saw myself being transferred from the arms of this male, to the arms of another male who felt older, as if to be his Father. I felt the relationship between us, the three of us. At this point, I lost it, I  unhinged. I started bawling. It was such a release. The love did it for me, a  feeling of love that was so intense. I’m not sure if I cried, because of the intensity or because I have never felt this kind of love before.

I started to realize, in all my naïveness, that this was not just about a work ceremony, at this point, I knew that something bigger was brewing . I know that for whatever reason this WAS goodbye and however this ended, it was definitely a celebration.

The next clairvoyant image that I received was a huge train, a massive one that was pulled into a station, I  Claireaudiently heard “ We know what you will choose, but we DO have to give you a choice. You can get on this train that is your career (and we will make it work for you for a little longer) or you can let it go, without you, and choose to stay with us for the unknown path”. I didn’t have to think about that one. I knew something was changing, my experiences…my “abilities”….my dreams….the  premonitions have been heightened  for the past few years, with the intensity of an avalanche or a freight train.

If I can only say one thing that I’ve learned through my psychic abilities, its … Resistance is futile and no sense in prolonging destiny. I chose to let it go…I relayed that back, I asked “Let it go, I want to stay off the train and walk to this unknown (to me) destiny”. As the train passed, I remember saying, "thank you for taking such good care of me, it’s time for me to move on". I knew that statement was focused and meant for THEM and not the analogy of the “train” before me.

With that, I  was brought back into the events of the ceremony and  all my mortal thoughts like….Did my eyeliner run all over my face….Did anyone hear me sobbing….I hope its over soon, I’m freaken starving…and it was…Before long, the band was playing its departing song.

I headed straight home afterwards. The drive wasn’t too long, either that or I was still far gone in that trance like state that I just hadn’t noticed time slipping by me….I’m sure you’ve experienced a small taste of that at some point….have you’ve ever been driving and realized you missed your exit and wondered how that happened…..or perhaps you’ve had the feeling of “missing time”… getting to your exit in the nick of time, with slight confusion, wondering how you got there so fast as you sent off that quick "Thank God” all is well because that was creepy prayer, as you carry on pretending that didn’t happen or putting it on the pay no mind list.

So now I’m home, I’m no longer a member of service, as my ceremonial uniform gets peeled off, so does the personae…I’m fine with being me…until tomorrow anyway when I have to go back to the place where I myself have to pretend this didn’t happen.

What happened next, I’m going to try my very best to string words to....

As I changed my clothes, I  had no idea what was coming next. As if my world isn’t strange enough, I was not prepared. Yes, I do get the privilege of been “shown” my own future and yes i can “read” for myself, however I did not "see" this coming. It forever changed me. What I thought was “real”, my understanding of reality was completely blown away…effortlessly, in a matter of a few moments. My personal time from then on went from the Fabio guy with the long blonde hair who saves the girl romance audio books to Quantum Physics, String theory and worm hole theories not so theoretical for me anymore.

Here’s what I remember…walking in, walking up the stairs, into my bedroom, taking my uniform off, walking back out of my bedroom through the narrow corridor leading to the kitchen, living room and dining room area. I had just gotten past the kitchen doorway when I  heard something…weird…. Weird and pretty loud. I stopped in my tracks while my mind was trying to process what was going on. It didn’t make sense, my mind was trying to process by ways of association and elimination to whatever I have in my dining room that could possibly generate that sound….I thought, It's a fucken table with chairs girl that’s it. It sounded like a long loud rip…like an exaggerated rip….a tear. It lasted for quite a few seconds and when in “fight or flight” mode, seconds are long…but that confused me.. I SHOULD have been in flight mode…I should have ran back to my bedroom and  prepared myself for something or simply ran out of the house. But I didn’t….I didn’t because I wasn’t scared. I just innately felt …. Calm. Then, I heard what my mind processed as… the shuffling of feet, since there where chairs in that room. My mind processed it as whatever or whoever was sitting down on my dining room chairs was not expecting their attention to be snapped into awareness so they jumped up to some kind of attention formation. Immediately after the shuffle, I heard a male’s voice…an outside voice, not a clairaudient voice say “I’m here for my daughter” and with that, I “felt” the sensation of calmness as if he was easing my “watch” back to rest.

The thoughts that ran through my mind were….I knew I wasn’t alone…Why the fuck don’t they show themselves...I guess that’s my Father….Is this how I go out? As I thought that, I couldn’t help but to feel as if whoever was about to cross the threshold of my dinning room…who has clearly crossed the threshold of “reality” is highly likely to throw me over his shoulder and take me back out the way he came in. Of all the things I could have and one would think should have done, I laughed. I laughed as I thought, “wow this is it? No blaze of glory….some big-time detective…no heroic event, no saving the world….just disappearing. For a moment I thought of my son, how the hell is he going to explain this, what’s he going to think when I’m not home and I’m missing, I need him to know that I’m fine and I’d never leave him…. Ok, I guess my Father’s here for me and I have no choice.

There was something to the voice or the male himself,  a sense of superiority , as in there’s no asking, just taking, like you don’t question and you don’t ask. It didn’t feel confrontational…just authoritative. I knew I wasn’t dying so this wasn't the stories we here about a loved one coming to guide my Soul and I wasn’t afraid. He started to cross the doorway, I saw what I could recognize as his lower leg in motion, his knee was the first thing I could make out. His leg was pronounced even through the floor length cassock….It had a raised collar. He bent over slightly as he was taller than the doorway, came to full height, turned toward my direction as if he knew where to go. He locked eyes on me. We both stood still and I heard in that same “outside voice” but noting that his lips never parted to speak….”Unnak”….

and NOW I have a face to match my Daddy daughter dance. So here I am, in the presence of a massive male whom I do not recognize, who exudes pure strength and energy that falls short in articulation and who’s claiming me as his daughter. His hands were by his sides but I could not see them, his triskelion patterned beige colored garb was longer. He had a very small hint of a smile that felt more like…patience as to not scare me. I was trying to process this….he looked human-ish…yet there was no way….jet black hair…short…styled back…almost exagreativly well groom, impeccable full beard…not too long…not too short…it was…perfect…and that’s the word that came to mind as I scanned him and digested what was in front of me. I thought….his eyebrows are perfect (I still laugh at myself).

I’ll stop here to note a  few things, I noticed that as real as he was, there was a sense of transparency to him. I could see a big piece of art that was behind him against my wall….but yet this was no hologram. I could  very well see the definition of his face, I could see the reaction in his eyes to my thoughts…telepathy was clearly a thing. I could see the clench in his jawline in response to my thought and it was “Wow, she’s lucky, whoever she is, one day I’d like one just like my Father”. That was an involuntary thought that surprised me to my core, my next one I had control of….“Oh my God, please have some respect, that 's my Father”. When his jaw clenched, I knew he was not thrilled with that…guess there is no one for Daddy’s little girl.

Things were exchanged between he and I that is far too long for this blog, but I will say this…my soul “came alive” in the presence of my Father, I spoke something to him in love and adoration that my mind did not “think” to say…it was not in my physical control…I felt more to be an observer of my own experience, and when I  heard myself speak those words out loud through closed lips, I felt the shock of awareness that the voice was coming from my Soul and it was not the age of my current body, I light heartedly chastised myself, "you talk now, after all the shit we’ve been through”. I felt like I had just come to maturity….as if I  was somewhere around 16 to 18 ish, just to give you an idea.

That eye to eye contact has effected me in so many ways… a change...I felt altered within my own body. It is  something I’m still understanding and processing…was this scripted all along or was this visit something my Father did because he simply can and will, at will.

As his jaw clenched, I could feel the atmosphere around us start to change…it felt like… energy building up….the word “battery” clairaudiently came to mind with the knowing that he was fisting something…it felt as if he started or ignited something that caused an energetic reaction… whatever was in his hands…whatever it was, was building to an apex and he was waiting for it, the manipulation of energy did not surprise me, it felt normal even in my naiveness or could that be… forgetfulness ….and he just disappeared. Just like that…vanished.

I wondered after he just disappeared if he was experiencing some sort of an inner struggle…an inner debate…a barely manageable containment and  control…a silent deliberation on taking me back home or letting me stay,  for he clearly is the judge and  jury….and I know his visit was not just a visit. I instantly felt the joy of knowing I wasn’t alone, validating my private senses, the validation was epic. My first thought post “Daddy visit” was “If my Father came, something big is going to happen in the world". I’m not sure if that was something new, like something that has changed or was this something remembered…as in…a fragment of conversation.... an understanding between him and I  from the other side of that worm hole in space or time.

                      Unnak & Enlil